This week I have been contemplating interviewing for a part-time teaching job. While it is five days a week, it is only in the morning. This job could give me an opportunity to re-enter my "life before babies," but still allow me to be at home with the kids half of the day. While on the surface it sounds like a dream job, I am suffering from an extreme case of "mom-guilt."
If you're a mother, then you understand that dreaded term. By my definition, "mom-guilt" is that sinking feeling that you are somehow letting your kids down or not being that "supermom" that you have set out to be. Perhaps since I have been fortunate to be at home with all of my kids since they were born, I feel an overwhelming desire to share the same experiences with all of them. I guess this is my overachieving personality trait coming out. I admit, though, I suffer from "mom-guilt" on a daily basis!
This is a big year for us, as our oldest is heading off to kindergarten and the princess is beginning preschool. When I was thinking about all of the ways taking this job would change our current situation, one of the first things that came to my mind was that I would not be able to see my boy off to kindergarten or take my daughter to her first day of school. I understand that many parents don't get this experience, but being a stay-at-home mom, these are the experiences that I treasure. It made me feel very sad. I also really enjoy helping out in the classroom and would love to get involved in school activities now that our oldest will be in elementary school.
On the flip side, I would really enjoy having the opportunity to teach again. There are times when I miss interacting with the little kids, their parents (most of the time!), and other teachers. I always felt very passionate about teaching and young children. I loved babysitting as a youngster and it was very easy for me to choose my career path when it came time to enroll in college. When I was in the classroom, it was very rewarding to watch my students succeed and master new skills. While it has been very rewarding for me to watch my own children grow and meet their developmental milestones, I sometimes miss the structure and responsibility of a classroom.
Of course it would also help us out financially and take some of the burden off of my husband to be the sole "breadwinner," of the family. It could reenergize me and make me appreciate the time I spend at home with my kiddos more. Perhaps it would be beneficial for everyone, but there is still this sinking feeling in my gut that it's just not the right decision at this time. I would need to be at work in about three weeks, I have no one lined up to care for my kiddos (and that person would have to be top-notch!), and the logistics of getting the princess to and from preschool is proving to be a little too complicated.
While I am a little disappointed about letting this opportunity go, I am sure there will be another opportunity in the future that will be great as well. At least for now I can set my feeling of "mom-guilt" aside and continue to focus on raising our kids. The entrepreneurial side of me is starting to take over, though, and I am working on a few creative ideas to put my college education to work while still being at home with the kiddos. Only time will tell if any of these ideas actually come to be!
|I can't leave this cute bunch! :)|