Nostalgia: Birthdays Are Hard...

Birthdays are always hard for me.  Some days seem to last forever, but in the blink of an eye another year has rolled around.  This year I am struggling even more than normal.  You see, my girls' birthdays are just a day apart.  Last year I was impatiently awaiting the arrival of our little surprise bundle of joy and now I am preparing to celebrate a fifth and first birthday.

Five seems so old, after all she will head to kindergarten in the fall.  No more carefree days at home relatively shielded from the reality of the real world and the not-so-pleasant experiences she will more than likely encounter.  Oh, I know it's not all bad, there are plenty of wonderful experiences and opportunities that go along with heading off to school, but there are also tough, sad moments along the way, too.  My daughter is a sweet, sensitive, imaginative little beauty.  She is so excited to grow up and her mommy would just love for her to stay innocent forever.  It's so hard to watch them grow and leave the nest, if only for awhile.  Sigh...

My sweet little baby is turning one.  That first year is one I'd love to be able to freeze forever.  I've struggled with all of my baby's first birthdays, but this one is even more difficult.  There is a good possibility this is the last first birthday celebration we will have.  The last baby of my own that I will hold so close.  The last firsts we will experience.  The last sweet snuggles.  I love, love, love babies.  I may be hours and hours behind on sleep and yearning for a bit of me time, but I wouldn't trade these years for anything.  For as long as I can remember I dreamt of having a lot of kids.  I was never certain how many, but I knew I would love a big family.  We are fortunate this has been our reality.  I'm just not so sure how I could already be at this juncture in my life.  I had dinner with some ladies this past weekend and one of them put it so simply, "I think we always thought about having children, we just never thought about being done having children.  It's so final."  

It is so final.  I'm just not ready to close the door just yet.  Ah, it is just so hard.  

This weekend I will do my best to hide the tears I know will come.  I've felt so emotional and anxious since the calendar switched to April.  I will celebrate all we have been blessed with and count my lucky stars that I get to be "Mom" to these four sweet little kiddos.  I'll also do my best to imprint these memories in my mind and remind myself on the days when I feel like I'm going to go crazy that I wouldn't want my life to be any different.

Happy Birthday to my sweet little daughters.  Your mommy loves you so!

Princess #1

Princess #2

The Quest for a Simpler Life: Being Okay with Swimming Upstream

Intentional living.  Recently a friend sent me a blog post about a newly released book called Notes From a Blue Bike:  Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World by Tsh Oxenreider.  I knew I wanted to read it and am so happy I did.  For me and for my family, it is time to quiet the noise.  To sift through all of life's distractions and decide what is truly beneficial and what needs to go.  To live simply in a way which reflects our values, priorities, and purpose.  To be okay with swimming upstream.

Our society encourages us to fill our days to the brim.  The busier the better.  Young, old, or in between; no one is immune.  We are encouraged to buy, buy, buy.  To fill our homes with so much "stuff" we find it difficult to appreciate what we have.  Work follows us home and we are accessible all.of.the.time.  In our culture, less is definitely not more.  Family time is spent on the go and so often our children are robbed of the opportunity to simply be kids.  We're all chasing this idea that our worth is defined by our achievements and to achieve great things we must go, go, go.  Work more, sleep less, enroll in an abundance of extracurricular activities, always say yes.  How far from the truth is this way of thinking?  Far, very far.

By nature, I am an organizer and a busy body.  I enjoy being involved in my community, working on projects at home, and keeping up with my kids.  I have a hard time sitting down and just relaxing.  I feel like I am doing my best to balance my role as a mom with the need to be an individual too.  I spend the majority of my time at home with my family, but need to do a better job of quieting some of the noise that distracts me from my purpose for this season:  being a mom to four impressionable young children.  Saying no to the opportunities outside of the home that aren't a priority, limiting social media, and ignoring the pressure to keep up with the Jones'.

In our home, family will always be number one.  It is time to focus on our priorities in many different areas of our life (examples taken from the book:  food, education, travel, entertainment, and work).  The decisions we make each day should coincide with these priorities.  Our children may not be pleased when we tell them no, but there are times when it needs to happen.  For our family, time for free play, eating dinner together, and early bedtimes mean we limit our extracurricular activities and schedule them to work with these priorities.  Limited screen time may mean saying no to the technology that may interfere with reading, cultivating creativity, and outdoor play.  Taking a family vacation may mean saying no to costly local entertainment in order to save up for a bigger adventure.  

Slowing down may seem like such a challenge.  Ridding our homes of excess "stuff" may seem impossible.  Living simply takes work.  Our decisions may be different than our neighbors, friends, or extended family and that's okay.  The key point to remember: to be confident in our decisions and keep our priorities at the center of our decision making process.  Slow down.  Quiet the noise.  Remember our priorities.  While we may be swimming upstream, we are putting our family first and holding true to our beliefs.  You just have to own it and carry on.  As the old saying goes, "To each his own."      

  

    

       

Young Children and Lent

Lent has begun and we are doing our best to make it more meaningful for the kiddos this year.  While I decided to give up dessert and my daily chocolate consumption (let me tell you, this was a lot of chocolate!), my husband and I thought our kiddos were a bit young to partake in giving anything up.  Instead we have decided to bring out our kindness jar again and focus on kind acts both in and out of our home.

While this takes some extra effort on our part to "catch" those moments, it is well worth the journey for all of us.  At times I feel like I notice more of the undesired behavior than the desired, kind behavior my kids demonstrate.  This may be because when my kids are not kind to each other there is a lot of crying, screaming, and fighting involved and when they are getting along it's so peaceful.  Well, as peaceful as it can get with four young children!  I am hoping that this will help me to truly appreciate all of the good that they do and not get so caught up in the misbehavior.

What are we looking for?  Playing nicely together, using their manners, helping each other out, and simple nice gestures are just a few examples of a way they can earn a pom for the jar.  Thus far our oldest has read to his sister and made her a get well picture, as they're both feeling under the weather.  My middles played a peaceful game of Memory together and have used polite table manners.  While I certainly can't catch everything, I am doing my best to notice the small, everyday moments that are wrapped in kindness.

We are also participating in the rice bowl campaign.  Our kids do simple chores around the house for a little allowance.  During Lent, when they receive their allowance we are asking them to decide how much they will keep and how much they will contribute to the rice bowl.  Thus far they've been quite generous!  We're just trying to keep it simple and teach a few lessons along the way.  We hope that they take something away some valuable lesson this year.

Standardized Test: These Words Disgust Me

Standardized test.  These two words paired together just get under my skin and I find them quite disgusting.  Creating an educational system where these two words are the focus of our children's learning is a crying shame.  While there is no doubt the educational system in our country is in need of an overhaul, putting more emphasis on testing, completely revamping the content that our children are taught, and creating new, ridiculously complicated ways to teach skills (simple subtraction, for example) is like driving the car the wrong way on a one-way street.  It's wrong, and quite frankly, should also be in violation of the law.

I firmly believe our schools began to suffer when No Child Left Behind was introduced.  It happened to be my first year teaching, and while I wasn't directly impacted because I was teaching early childhood special education, I heard the teachers in my building talking about tests...a lot.  Their instructional content seemed to become more restricted and, unfortunately, teachers felt pressured to "teach to the test."  Now it seems with the adoption of the Common Core State Standards Initiative the noose has been tightened even more.  Not only are we tightening the grip on the content being taught, but the strategies that are being implemented to teach skills, especially in math, are time-consuming, confusing, and, in my opinion, unnecessary.   

I fully understand that children need to be assessed and our teachers need to be accountable for student learning.  It is imperative to see the strengths and areas that need improvement, but why does the government not value utilizing additional ways to assess student learning other than requiring them to sit down at a specific time, several days in a row filling in the bubbles (or, from what I understand, clicking the mouse in the near-future) to give us a true, well-rounded picture of each child?  

The emphasis put on these results is absurd.  Our children are not robots and there are too many outside factors (anxiety, lack of sleep, hunger, special needs, socioeconomic status, primary language, disturbances at home, etc.) affecting test performance to solely rely on these results to demonstrate academic understanding.  The fact that this snippet of information is used to determine a teacher's proficiency, as well as funding for our schools, is equally absurd.  

As a parent, I don't want my children's "self-worth" to be determined by how they have performed on a standardized test.  I value creativity, thinking out of the box, and exploring personal interests to make learning more meaningful.  I don't find it necessary for my son to break down a problem into five steps to complete a simple subtraction problem he could compute in less than 5 seconds.  I know I am not the only parent who feels this way. 

In my eyes, however, there is one more missing piece to this puzzle that cannot be easily assessed:  parental involvement. These test scores are used to hold our teachers accountable, but we, as parents, need to be held accountable, too.  It is our job to make education the priority in our children's lives.  It seems we have wandered away from this way of thinking and it is our kids who are suffering.  There are so many distractions, from extracurricular activities to video games and everything in between, that we have forgotten what is truly important.  Our children need down time.  They need to have time for unstructured play, to sit at a table and eat as a family more often than not, to have the opportunity to speak and be heard, and to get their rest.  As parents we need to emphasize the importance of completing homework, reading, and providing opportunities for our kids to explore their personal interests.  It surely doesn't have to be boring.  Get creative at home and make learning fun!  As a community, we need to help those around us who may not have these opportunities.  Safe after school programs offering homework assistance, family math and literacy nights in our schools, and volunteer tutoring are great ways to reach kids who may need extra help.  Donating used books to shelters or schools who may need them can help get books in the hands of children in need.  Supporting programs that help children who are at-risk may make a difference in the lives of many as well .  Don't be afraid to get your family involved!  Raising empathetic, caring kids can make such a positive impact in our communities.

The government may feel the pressure to "compete successfully in the global economy," but I, as a parent, do not feel that the solution they have imposed upon our children is in their best interest.  I am not willing to idly sit by and do nothing, are you?  We each have a voice, and although it may not always be heard, we do have a voice.  Write your legislators or sign a state and national petition to eliminate the Common Core.  Take a stand for your children and the future of our educational system.  What have you got to lose?

     




  

Perspective

Last week I felt discouraged.  I was disappointed that my dream wasn't going to become a reality...yet.  After the announcement,  I received positive and encouraging messages from friends and family that helped bring me out of my funk.  As we all know, life doesn't always go the way we think it should.  More times than not, there's a good reason for it.  Something bigger lies ahead, you're not quite on the right path, or the timing just isn't right.  There are countless reasons why we hit a bump in the road on our journey, but I truly believe it's how we handle those bumps that matters.

My time had been stretched thin while creating the preliminary plans for the preschool.  Had it come to fruition, a lot more of my time would have been diverted to that project and perhaps it would have taken away time that I was meant to spend elsewhere.  It didn't take long for me to realize that my time was indeed needed elsewhere.  I had a meeting with the service learning coordinator at a local high school for From Cover to Cover last week.  It has opened doors (and my eyes) to opportunities that I had not thought of before.  From that meeting, many more ideas have evolved and we are excitedly exploring these opportunities to involve older kids in our community in our project and creating a program that will reach far more children than we currently serve.  A blessing in disguise?  I think so!

Today I have had the rare opportunity to be at home with just the baby for a few hours.  With two of the kiddos at school and one at Grandma's this is a little glimpse of how some of my days will be next year.  Though it's almost eerily quiet around here, it is so calm.  I've had time to snuggle and play with the baby without anyone else needing me.  Could I use a year with a calming break now and then?  Will it be good for my soul?  These are questions that I've considered this morning.  Instead of speeding up even more, I may just have the opportunity to pull back the throttle a bit and have some time to focus on activities I enjoy:  writing, reading, exercise, baking...possibilities abound!

As the old saying goes, "When one door closes, another opens."  I am a believer in this statement and I look forward to seeing where this next year will take me.  I'm not giving up on my dream, but I'm also not going to force it to become a reality.  "Good things come to those who wait."  Patience is not always my strength, but I'm going to do my best to be patient, take advantage of the opportunities that are presently available, and enjoy the "extra" time that I've been given.  

A few friends shared this with me last week and it hit the nail right on the head.  Enjoy!

  

Winter Words: Organize and Prioritize

January is always a time where one feels rejuvenated, hopeful, full of ambition, and set on making and achieving goals.  At least this is how I tend to begin each new year.  Some days, weeks, months, or years are more successful than others.  A lot seems to depend on the ages of my kids, the amount of sleep I'm getting, and just my overall mood.  This year I have set goals that I feel are attainable and will improve life, both for myself and our family, but I just need to focus.  I need to organize and prioritize:  my time, my house, and my life in general.

Lately I've felt this sense of disorganization, both in my physical environment and in my physical self.  I look around my house and I just see a mess:  things don't have a place to go, toys are everywhere, my kitchen table is piled with school papers and mail, and no matter how often I clean up, it just happens again.  I fully understand that I have young kids and my house is not going to be pristine, but is it too much to ask to just have the basics put away?  I'm talking about the clutter.  I've come to realize that when my physical environment is messy and chaotic, so is my physical self.  This is why I am making it my goal to spend the next two months of winter organizing my home.  Closets will be cleaned out, things will have places to go, and children will be expected to clean up after themselves or what's left out will be held in "toy prison."  Sounds harsh, but there are lessons to be learned in responsibility that I just can't pass up.

As a self-proclaimed "Type A" person, I like to feel in control.  I like to be organized.  I like to have a plan.  Right now none of that is happening.  I am doing my best to give up on some of the control:  "imperfect progress," but the planning and organization are possible if I just take some time to prioritize my life.  My family will always come first.  I love my outside commitments, but I have to be able to balance them and our home life.  It's tough to do!

I have so many projects I want to complete around the house, so over the weekend my husband and I made a list and we will begin tackling these over the next few months.  I have some DIY projects that are half completed and also have some to begin.  Completing these will help in my goal to organize and hopefully restore a sense of order to our home.  If only time was unlimited!  There wouldn't be a problem then.  My goal is to start with the areas I see the most:  the family room, kitchen, and bedrooms.  Once those are complete, I'll work my way into those areas that aren't so visible.  Prioritize!

I am also planning to refocus on myself a bit.  It's time to get back into a fitness routine, "schedule" some mommy time, write, and read.  I know those four changes will make a huge impact in my overall self.  It's so hard to go, go, go, especially when it doesn't include taking care of yourself.  Sound selfish?  It's really not.  Serving others is a wonderful thing, but taking care of oneself is important.  Mothers unselfishly serve day in and day out.  It's okay to take a break and do something for ourselves!  Prioritize!

As for my outside commitments, this is the area that I really need to prioritize.  Starting a business is time-consuming and that is my focus right now.  All of these baby steps and planning will hopefully turn into a life-changing opportunity for us all.  I am so incredibly excited to be on this journey and can't wait until we are officially licensed by the state and ready to go.  I think it's going to be wonderful for our family and our community.  From Cover to Cover is also near and dear to my heart.  We are moving forward and planning to serve more children in a few months.  With these two big projects on my plate, I am adopting the motto of "no is the new yes."  I just can't take on much more at this time and take care of my family, too  While I feel like my strength is to lead and organize groups, this time I'm going to step back and say no to any more outside commitments that require a lot of my time.  It will be hard to do, but necessary!

I think I have a plan and it sounds like a productive two months will lie ahead.  I just pray I will be able to follow through this time.  What areas of your life do you need to organize and prioritize?  I'd love to hear your struggles and your plan!  

  

        

Another Year Has Gone By: Life Lessons From the Year

As yet another year draws to a close, I can't help but find truth in the saying, "The days are long, but the years are short."  Seven years ago, I was very pregnant with our first child and the anticipation for what changes the New Year would bring was at an all-time high.  Fast-forward seven years:  as I sit here with my husband and four children I find myself wondering, "How did time pass so quickly?"

Each year after Christmas I find myself reflecting on all that has happened over the course of the year. I'm sure many of you do as well.  It always amazes me how slowly the year starts out but is seems to pick up speed like a big snowball as the days go on.  Before I know it summer is here and over, the kids are back to school, and all of the fun holidays fly by.  It brings me to this point:  the final day of the year.

2013 was a big year for me.  We welcomed our fourth child, I began my adventure with From Cover to Cover with my dear friend, and made the decision to open my own business, The Busy Bee Early Childhood Center, in 2014.  I have watched my kids grow like weeds, master new skills, and continue to explore all that the world has to offer.  We took a few vacations, tackled a summer bucket list, and made many lasting memories.  All-in-all it was a great year!

While there were many positives, there were also many moments, days, or weeks that were a struggle. Life ebbs and flows and in those challenging moments I do my best to learn from them.  I am far from perfect, and while my intentions may be good, I don't always get it right the first, second, or even tenth time.  The best I can offer is that I will try again until I get it right (or as close to it as possible).  I love the ideas of "imperfect progress" (borrowed from the book Unglued) and practicing grace, both to ourselves and others.  We all hit bumps in the road, if only we can remind ourselves of that instead of beating ourselves or others up about it.

So onto 2014 we go.  I do not make resolutions:  instead I set goals.  This year I have a found some inspiration from many great resources to help prepare those goals.  As I age (yes, I realize I'm not that old) I am beginning to look at life a little differently.  For years, I fell prey to the "fitting in" game and in the end it was neither successful or fulfilling.  I've read many non-fiction books in the past year, many by Christian-based authors, about looking inside to find your authentic self and to find God's purpose for us.  I've read many quotes suggesting the only way to find happiness is to stop looking to outside sources and instead search inside and be happy with yourself. One of the latest that I've seen surfacing is this and I like it:

While I feel that for the most part the goals we set for ourselves are a private matter, I'll share the mantra, if you will, of my hopes for the New Year.  I'm going to continue to work on being my authentic self.  To not always say "yes," but prioritize and focus on what is important to me and best for our family ("no is the new yes").  To grow some of the new friendships that I have gained since our move and strengthen those with the people who have been by my side for years. To be vulnerable and focus on the positive instead of the negative.  To pray more, be slower to anger, and to appreciate the simplicity and wonder of the little things.  And most of all, to "dare greatly" (from my favorite book!)...
Onto 2014 we go.  This has the potential to be a big year for our family and full of many changes.  I pray that we all stay safe, healthy, and have a wonderful year full of blessings, big and small.  I wish this for you and yours as well.  Happy New Year!  Bring on 2014!  "Dare greatly", put yourself out there, and go for it!

Creating Traditions, Making Memories

Wow, it's been awhile since I've been able to post!  Finding the time these days is a little challenging, but I'll pop in and out with some new recipes for the holidays and fun kid activities as well!  I have been working hard on getting my shopping done so that I can spend time making some fun memories with the kiddos during this most very busy and special time of year!  What can I say, it's my favorite time of year!

This really is the theme of today's post:  tradition and memories.  I find it hard to believe at times that my oldest son is approaching 7.  It seems like yesterday we were anxiously awaiting his arrival and now we're about to celebrate our seventh Christmas as a family.  Throughout that period of time we've added three more kids and will be celebrating what is likely to be our last "baby's first Christmas" this year.  (Ugh, that makes me teary just thinking about it!).  This will, however, only be the second year that we will wake up in our own home on that magical Christmas morning and the first time we've ever had "baby's first Christmas" in our own home as well.  When we lived in the suburbs of Chicago, we had our own little family Christmas before we took off on our rounds, but it was always before the big day and while it was very special, nothing can compare to what we experienced last year.    

Let's back up a bit.  I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a mother someday.  I grew up in a family of four and while it was fun, I always wanted at least one little brother or sister.  When that didn't happen, I began to dream of having a big family one day.  Well, fast-forward to that day:  here we are!  I always said I wanted to have five kids, but I think that four may just be the magic number for us.  I love my not-so-little family and one of the greatest gifts that I feel we, as parents, can give them is creating traditions that will lead to lasting memories.  I have many fond memories of my childhood traditions, and while a few still remain, most of them have gone to the wayside now that I am an adult.  Now it is our turn to create traditions for our family, some we may carry over from our childhood and others we may initiate ourselves.  For someone who is incredibly sentimental, these are the gifts I treasure and I put a lot of thought into them.  Let's be honest, my life pretty much revolves around my kids so this is really a big deal to me.    

Since we made the big move last year and are much closer to both of our families, we have been given the gift of being able to create our own Christmas Day traditions.  While my husband and I are regular church-goers and value our faith, I am ashamed to admit that for years we did not go to church on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because we couldn't fit it into our schedule of Christmas celebrations we had to attend.  Last year we made it a priority to go and we went Christmas morning.  It was wonderful.  I want my children to realize that Christmas isn't all about Santa, but more importantly Jesus' birth and I feel like while we talked about it with them and read stories, we were missing the most important piece:  celebrating at church.  This year we may try to attend a Christmas Eve mass, but if not, we'll go Christmas morning.  

Each year we spend Christmas Eve and my grandmother's house.  Last year after the celebration, we put the kiddos in their Christmas pajamas for the ride home and tucked them into their own beds.  After days of counting down, they were so excited for Santa to come!  In years past, we had sent the kids a note from Santa letting them know that he was going to be making an early appearance because he knew we wouldn't be home.  The countdown was always a little bit off.  It was our tradition to celebrate our own family Christmas the Sunday before the 25th.  Some years it was nearly a week in advance and it just never felt like the real deal.  I began to feel like our kids thought that Christmas wasn't just a day, but a week-long event of receiving gifts.  This was something that didn't sit well with me.  While we still don't fit it all into one day, it is nice to be able to condense it a bit and have Santa appear when he's supposed to instead of expecting him multiple times.

All right.  Back to the topic at hand:  let's talk traditions!  Last week I asked parents what they do on Christmas Day.  Many of those that responded said that they spend the day at home with their kids and enjoy a relaxing day.  Some start off the day with fudge or pancakes with vanilla ice cream for breakfast (I want to be in those houses!) or incorporate traditions from other countries to celebrate the diversity of their families.  Some put stockings outside the kids' doors to slow them down and others give one gift on Christmas Eve (usually Christmas pajamas) to ease into it.  Everyone mentioned food, either breakfast or a special dinner that they eat, so clearly that is an important part of people's traditions.  Some families invite grandparents or relatives over, while others reserve the day just for their family.  I loved reading through these comments!  It was so interesting to learn how people spend the day and about different cultural traditions.

What will our day look like?  We'll be woken up early by the kids (I'm sure!), turn on some Christmas music and the fireplace, and start the day off by checking to see if Santa ate his cookies and drank his milk.  We're usually very generous, so if Santa didn't eat all of his cookies, the kids each get one to eat.  We also check outside to see if the reindeer ate their carrots.  We set out plenty of food because we want to make sure Santa finds our house!  When the kids go to bed their stockings are hung neatly on the fireplace mantle, but that sneaky Santa hides them throughout the main floor of our house for the kids to find.  Usually the kiddos try to find them right away, as they are so curious about their whereabouts!  Candy is not the only thing they will find inside.  We also include snacks we don't usually have, socks, or special treasures (cars, baseball cards, hair accessories, etc.)  Once we're through with that, we have the kids sit in front of the tree with the gifts and take some pictures.  Once that is complete it's time to open presents.  We take our time with this and only one person opens a gift at a time.  In years past, the kids have had no desire to tear through their gifts.  Instead they usually take the time to test it out, especially if it's a toy or book.  I love that we don't rush through it all.  We get to see everyone's reactions and they all get the "spotlight" for a bit.  We've even taken breaks from opening gifts (and no, they don't get a ton of presents!), because they wanted to stop and play.  It warms my heart that they appreciate what they get and the "one at a time rule" is a tradition that I love.  We'll have a nice breakfast of waffles, scrambled eggs, sausage and fruit and then pack our van to head south to gather with my husband's family. 

I truly can't describe how much it means to me, as a mother, to share these special moments with my children.  They are only young once and in a blink of an eye they'll be too big for Santa and we'll have to drag them out of bed instead of rising early with excitement.  I spend a lot of time preparing for the holidays and coming up with activities for our family to do throughout Advent to get into the holiday spirit and have fun because it is important to me.  I know that I cherish the memories of Christmas morning with my family growing up and I hope my kiddos will cherish the time we spent as a family on Christmas Day as well when they are grown and with their own families.  

Oh how I can't wait to cozy up around the fire and see my kids' faces light up with excitement.  These memories are priceless! 

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

The kids leave their wish list and cookies by the fireplace and Santa leaves a thank you!

Mandatory photo

Understanding Peanut Allergies: This is Our Life

Today I am mentally and emotionally drained.  I have these days from time to time and the causes usually vary.  Today, though, I feel this way because of a familiar struggle:  our son's peanut allergy.  To those who are fortunate enough to not have to worry about this, you may not understand how taxing this is on a parent.  We all worry about our kids, it's human nature, but the anxiety, stress, and worry a parent of a child with a life-threatening food allergy experiences is at a whole other level.

I can attest to this, because I am a mother of four.  To my knowledge, three of my children do not suffer from life-threatening food allergies.  I worry about them, yes, but life is just so much easier when you aren't navigating what feels like a mine-field.  Play date, birthday party, school, church, restaurant, sporting events....the list goes on.  No problem.  Off you go, have a great time!  These events with our oldest son, not so much.  Do we have the Epipen?  The Benadryl?  The wipes?  Safe food?  What will be served?  Have we checked the menu?  Should we let him go?  What if...  This is just a small sample of what goes through my mind on a daily basis.  It's tiring.  It makes me feel sad, angry, anxious, stressed.  We do our best to internalize these feelings and not outwardly show our struggles with these situations.  Our son realizes the dangers of peanuts and his exposure to them, but we do our best to live a normal life while taking the necessary precautions to make it "safe" for him.  

We struggle.  It is hard for those who do not live this life to understand how complex it is.  For the most part we have encountered people willing to do what's best for our son; to keep him safe and minimize his exposure.  But don't be fooled.  We experience resistance, anger, and questioning.  I'm sure we are viewed as overcautious, overbearing, high-maintenance, and difficult at times.  We advocate, we fight, we educate some more.  I am always willing to answer questions, be the classroom mom, and look over whatever is in question to help try to make it easier on others.

It's not as simple as making sure that he avoids peanuts.  That's the easy part.  It's the foods and products that they're hidden in that's difficult.  It's reading labels, researching restaurants and calling them, sifting through Halloween candy, finding safe treats for holidays, having a stash of homemade cupcakes in the freezer for birthday parties.  It's assessing the situation when traveling, attending social events, school, and extracurricular activities.  All of these things have become habit for us.  We can't afford to be lenient and "let it slide" just this once.  Once is all it takes.

My son is so much more than his peanut allergy.  He is kind, creative, smart, athletic, caring, and passionate about all things sports.  He is a wonderful big brother and a loving son.  He loves to write sweet notes to me and is quick to thank us when we do something special for him.  Unfortunately, he just has to be super careful to avoid peanuts and other nuts.  While it greatly impacts our lives and causes a lot of stress and anxiety, I know that God only gives us what we can handle.  Most days I feel like part of me "handling" this is by being vocal and trying to help people understand the severity of life-threatening food allergies.

They are an inconvenience, no doubt about it, but isn't keeping a child safe worth the inconvenience?  Please keep this in mind when precautions are put into place in schools, on airplanes, and other public places.  Do not take offense to them.  No one is trying to deprive you or your child out of spite.  These precautions are put into place to try (important word being try, we know nothing is fool-proof) to keep a child from having an anaphylactic reaction.  Epi-pens are not guaranteed to work.  People die from severe food allergies.  Those stories are not made up.  Please find it in your heart to be kind and empathetic to the children and their families that live with this daily.  We would love to be able to eat whatever we want and go wherever we want without worry.

The reality?  People won't die from not eating a peanut butter sandwich or snacking on peanuts on a plane, but my son could.  It's really that simple.  It's the little things that make the greatest difference.  When you encounter a situation where precautions are put into place, please take the time to consider how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.  From all of us with family members who have food allergies, we thank you!


            

Lessons of Giving Thanks

Now that Halloween is over, my kiddos would love to fast forward to Christmas.  Mom has other ideas, though!  We are going to spend some time reflecting on what we are thankful for this month and come up with some good deeds we can do for others.  I feel like we do a decent job of incorporating this into our everyday lives, but lately it seems that our kiddos are becoming so focused on their own wants that we need to shift the focus a bit.  I fully understand that kids are egocentric at times, but that doesn't mean that I won't do my best to teach them to think of others, too.  

To start of the month of giving thanks, I pulled out some books to read to the kids before bed.  Tonight my oldest guy snapped up Thank You, God and read it to me.  We haven't read it in such a long time and it used to be one of his favorites when he was a toddler.  Amazing how much he's changed since then!  Our collection is a bit small and I'd love to add some more books about giving thanks and doing good deeds.

Some reading material

Since it was a pretty quiet Saturday, I decided it would be fun to bake some treats for our neighbors.  Our kiddos always love to share things with their friends that live around us.  I made some caramel corn and pumpkin muffins and mini bread loaves.  (I tried a new recipe for the muffins and bread and think I like my old one better so I won't share that today!).  My older two assisted with making today's activity and the whole family delivered the goods this afternoon.  It was a fun way to spend some time together.  When I asked the older kids about our day at bedtime they both were able to explain why we made treats for our neighbors.  I am hoping that it is something they are proud of. 

We'll be sharing more of our activities as the month goes on so stay tuned!

Working hard creating our cards

The finished product

Mixing up those muffins!

 

Making My Way Through the Clutter

A few weeks ago I wrote about my goal to de-clutter and organize our house.  Let me tell you-this is a slow-going process with four little people in the house.  I've come to the conclusion that our house is going to get a whole lot messier before it appears to be cleaned up and organized.  I have wonderful ideas pinned, images of what I want it to look like in my head, and all I have to show for any of it is a large pile of clothes thrown on the couch downstairs and some put in boxes and bins.  Someday we'll get there...someday.

One of the most difficult parts of this process is parting with the outgrown clothes.  I know it is just "stuff," but I have so many memories of my kids in those clothes.  I have a real problem with being sentimental and my photographic memory is a fault in this case.  I can remember who gave us the clothes, when my kiddos got them, and several occasions when they were worn.  I really don't think it's the "stuff" so much that's the problem:  it's the reality that my kiddos are growing up (a little too quickly for my liking) and it is quite unlikely that there will be any other little kiddos to where those clothes again.  Ugh, just typing those words makes me teary.  While I am sorting them into bins to sell, I am not quite ready to part with everything just yet.  Someday I'll get there...someday.

Purging is a liberating feeling, but it's an emotional process, too.  There are a lot of little memories tied up in the "stuff" we have lying around this house.  I know that we have years of great memories to make, but parting with those little outfits and accessories is proving to be an emotional ride for me.  I'm thinking I may need to take a break from that and go through some of the stuff in this house that I won't even give a second thought to:  magazines, old papers, items from our move that are still in the boxes.  There's so much to do and not enough time in a day!  Someday I'll have more time on my hands...someday (but I probably won't like it much, because that means all my kiddos will be in school!).  

Are you having success with organizing and de-cluttering your house?!

Being Vulnerable and Owning My Story...To Be a Better Mom

I've completed Daring Greatly by Brene Brown for the second time and made a commitment to really do some self-reflection and work through some tough issues that have bothered me for years.  To start, I have challenged myself to being vulnerable and owning my story.  While reading the book this time around, I found myself thinking, "This is how I feel" so many times when she talked about shame in different environments in our lives.  Typically I would push my feelings under the rug, but I feel like I need to work through some of these uncomfortable parts of my life to not only be more comfortable with who I am, but to be a better mother.  

So, today I'm going to be vulnerable and I'm going to begin the process of owning my story. (And no, I don't plan to document it all on here!  This particular part just happens to tie in with being a mom).  Last night on Facebook I posted this status, "Tonight I am opening myself to the feelings that come with being on the "outside" looking in and feeling left out. I have always tried to bury these emotions, but to be a better mother, I feel like I have to work through them for myself and be at peace in order to help guide my kids."  

This is a part of my story that has been difficult.  There have been many periods in my life where I have struggled to figure out where I belong.  From middle school to college, I was always part of a "group," but never quite felt like I belonged.  I experienced rejection, felt misunderstood, and had my feelings hurt on many occasions. I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and insecure and had a hard time understanding how people could change so quickly, but I never really talked about any of it with anyone.  Instead, I stored those feelings inside and the shame that came with them.

As an adult, those experiences and feelings have stuck with me, but I like to think I have learned from them.  It seems that when we are younger, we think that having a ton of friends is important and somehow makes us worthier.  I have realized that it isn't the quantity of friends but the quality.  I have lived in several different places since graduating from college and have developed some wonderful friendships with some fantastic women, but it took me some time to develop these relationships.  I find that those earlier life experiences have made me cautious, but it has not prevented me from meeting some wonderful people along the way.

So how does this pertain to being a mom?  With one child already in elementary school and others to follow, I know that as issues arise, I want to be able to help guide my children without my feelings of hurt and shame getting in the way.  To some it may sound silly that events that occurred years ago still affect me, but if you really look within yourself, I'm sure you can still feel the pain and hurt of certain events that occurred in your lives dating back to your school years, too.  I know that experiencing rejection, insult, and being picked on are all a part of life and growing as a person, but it doesn't make it any easier.  

Yesterday one of my kiddos had a case of hurt feelings and it broke my heart to hear him explain the problems he was having.  I listened and tried to offer encouragement.  I also made a mental note to find time to discuss it with my husband (out of earshot of my son) before he went to bed.  My husband is good at having the father/son talks at bedtime and I wanted him to be able to sit down with our son and talk while it was all still fresh.  The incident was a typical childhood experience, but we still felt it was important to talk through it with him.  

When I look back on my childhood, I feel like either I wasn't encouraged to talk about my feelings about incidents like these or I chose not to.  This is not what I want for my children.  I hope that we, as parents, will encourage our children to talk about the problems they are having and the feelings that go along with them so that they can work through these experiences, learn from them, and move on.  While it was difficult to feel this way as a child, I have a feeling it is going to be even more difficult as a parent!

In the end, we all want to feel a sense of belonging and be accepted for who we are.  One of my favorite excerpts by Brene Brown about belonging is this, "There are so many terms we use every day whose meanings are gauzy, if not downright imprecise -- which makes it hard to get your head around what's really going on in your life. For example, contrary to what most of us think: Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely -- it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are -- love of gourd painting, intense fear of public speaking and all.

Many us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted, (Take it from me: I'm an expert fitter-inner!) But we're not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking.

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess."  

I want to teach my kids that they are enough.  I want them to stay true to who they are and not change to try to fit in.  We will make it a priority in our home to accept each other for our strengths and our weaknesses, talk about our feelings, and create an environment where everyone knows, without a doubt, that they are important and belong.

      

200th Post?! I Stuck With It!

Today I was checking out my blog stats and noticed that today will be my 200th post.  This seems like quite a milestone to me, as when I started this I had no idea how long I'd stick with it.  This was supposed to be an outlet for creative ideas, the ups and downs of parenting, and of course, keeping track of the recipes that we've tried and liked.  I have no idea if I'll make it to 200 more, but it's been fun!

"Sticking with it" seems like a great theme for today!  Yesterday I posted on FB that I was bummed that I let my running routine go.  I had several excuses (don't we all!), but know that in the end it boils down to one thing:  me.  I completed my 5K (which I later learned was actually 3.9 miles-explains why I wanted to die!) and then let up...a lot.  Today I decided enough was enough and hit the pavement on this unseasonably warm morning and ran a mile.  Far from what I was doing before, but at least a step in the right direction.  In June I would have never been able to go out and run a mile without stopping.  Today it was with relative ease.  Progress is progress.  I hope to continue to build my distance back up and add some new elements to my routine.  I'm saying it here:  I AM going to stick with this.  There, now you can hold me accountable!

A few months back we committed to cleaning up our diet.  I am happy to say that we have stuck with that plan.  Adding organic food and other healthier options costs more money.  I get that, I really do.  We are on a budget and for the most part, I have been successful keeping us on track with our goal even while purchasing as much organic food as I can.  Do you know how?  We cut out all of the crap!  If you avoid stocking your pantry with "filler" snacks, you'd be amazed at how much cost is cut out of your monthly grocery budget.  I've also been diligent about planning meals, so I can adjust as needed.  Some meals are just more cost-efficient than others!

Today I thought I'd share with you all of the wonderful products I've found in my local grocery stores.  Target continues to stock more and more organic food and it has been a true gift.  Not only for the money, but for the convenience.  Someday when you have the time, check out how many options they have!  While we are doing much better, we are still working on stocking our freezer with healthier meat and poultry and I'd like to find some farm fresh eggs, too.  Baby steps!   Here's what you will find on a regular basis in our home (of course all of these items are peanut and tree nut free!):

Found at Target:  Tortilla chips, Cascadian Farms granola bars (MOST are peanut safe-double check), apple juice, pizza sauce, Cascadian Farms cereal and granola (once again double check for peanut/tree nut), soy sauce, spaghetti sauce, butter, lactose-free milk, and spices.  I usually also purchase macaroni and cheese and yogurt here, too!

Found at Hy-Vee Ketchup, crescent rolls (part of the NON-GMO project, grapes, jelly, milk, cheese slices, string cheese, and yogurt  Generally we have a pile of apples, and a bag of carrots too, but we were out.  Hy-Vee has A TON of options for produce, as well as an entire health market devoted to healthier and/or organic food.  Call and find out what days they have a discount on their health market products!

Taking the Plunge

As the seasons begin to change, I am reminded once again how quickly time goes.  It seems like just yesterday we were excited about the warmer temperatures and the fun that summer would bring.  We made our summer bucket list and began to plan how we would spend those summer days.  While we did accomplish a sizable chunk of that long list, I'm left with the thought of, "where did the time go?"  

I can't help but feel that we didn't make the most of our summer this year.  Juggling a new baby and three other kiddos proved to be a bit much for me some days.  Solo outings with the whole crew were difficult, but we made the most of it.  Looking back I think we had fun, but we had plenty of "un-fun" moments as well.  I am trying to re-energize myself, though it's difficult these days with the lack of sleep I am getting.  We generally don't make a "fall bucket list," but I think this year we may just start a new tradition.  Most of our activities will probably be indoors, but I really want to hear what ideas my kiddos have.  I'm trying to stop saying, "No" so often and be open to things that may be a bit out of my comfort zone.  

As I had mentioned a few posts back, I am re-reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and spending a lot of time reflecting on where I am at in my life and where I would like to be.  I think we all have goals, dreams, and ideas that we are afraid to go after.  Perhaps we think someone will laugh at us, that we'll fail, or we'll simply be disappointed.  Maybe there are people in our lives who tell us we can't, criticize our decisions, "kill" our dreams before they ever come to fruition, or just hold us back.  

There are a few dreams I have for myself that I am no longer going to put off on the back burner and ignore.  I'm going to step out of my "safe" little zone and go for it.  I want to teach my kids that it's okay to go after what you want, even if it doesn't turn out quite the way you had hoped.  And if it fails?  Then it will be a great life lesson for us all.  This is also something I want to keep in mind when they present an idea or express an interest in trying something new.  Instead of being so quick to say, "No," I think they deserve the chance to try.  In an age where there is less time for  creativity and independent exploration of ideas at school, I think it is important to provide an environment at home where it's encouraged and valued.

So, what are you waiting for?  Do you have a big dream for yourself that you've been afraid to go after?  What's holding you back?  Are you ready to take the first step and see what comes of it?  Let's stop being afraid to try and believe in ourselves and our ideas.  What a great opportunity for us and a great example for our kiddos!  Who's in?!    

Life Lessons

Today we delivered our treats to our local fire station and a fire department in the "big city."  Our local fire department is volunteer, so we had to find one where firefighters were present!  The kids did a wonderful job thanking these heroes and they even got something special in return:  sitting in the police car and fire trucks!  They asked plenty or questions and the men graciously answered.  On the way home, they said that they had fun and they really enjoyed doing it.  I'm so glad my husband suggested we do this.

Fire Station Visit

Police Station Visit

If you saw yesterday's post, we made some sugar cookies and rolled them in red sugar.  We tried a new recipe and they were delicious (but definitely not high on the health meter!).

Sugar Cookies

Source:  Taste of Home

1/2 c. butter, softened

1/2 c. shortening

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 1/4 c. flour

1/2 t. baking soda

1/2 t. baking powder

extra sugar

In a large bowl, cream together butter, shortening, and sugar until light and fluffy.  Add egg and vanilla; mix well.  Combine flour, baking soda, and baking powder; gradually add to creamed mixture.  Shape into 1 inch balls.  Roll in sugar.  Place on parchment paper lined cookie sheet and flatten with a glass or fork.  Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes or until set.  Place on wire racks to cool completely.  

Thanking our Heroes

Over the weekend my husband suggested that we make something for our local fire department this week.  I have to admit, I was a bit baffled when he suggested this, but then I figured out what the date was and realized that September 11th would fall on Wednesday.  Then it all made sense.  We are approaching the 12th anniversary of this tragic day, yet I can still so vividly remember nearly every moment that transpired that day.

I've often heard that for our generation it is very similar to those who were old enough to remember Kennedy's assassination.  For most of us we remember where we were, what time we learned the news, and the hours of television coverage we watched.  We were overcome with sadness, shock, and hopelessness, but we stood united and were quick to pray,  hang flags and create other patriotic displays .  Each year September 11th comes upon us and I think it's safe to say that for many of us those feelings arise again.  Will it always be that way?  I believe so. 

Obviously my children were not born at the time of September 11th, but I think it's a great time for us to stop and talk about how important it is to recognize those who risk their lives to keep us safe:  firefighters, policemen, and military personnel.  We will take the opportunity to make some thank you cards, some sweet treats, and personally deliver them to these heroes in our community.  

I think it's important for us to teach our children about service and being thankful for the freedom that we have.  It seems that when they're young, finding these opportunities can be difficult.  Let's not forget that there are people surrounding us everyday that deserve our gratitude and taking the time to recognize them is a great way to get the little ones involved and teach these valuable lessons.     

Pride

Thank You!

Shifting the Mentality to "I am Enough"

I have begun to re-read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.  It only took me a few pages to realize why I enjoyed the book so much the first time around.  Today I just want to share a passage from the book that she included from another author, Lynne Twist.  Is this how you start your day?  Is this how we want to live our lives?  Where nothing is ever enough?

"For me, and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is 'I didn't get enough sleep.'  The next one is, 'I don't have enough time.' Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it.  We spend most of the hours and the days of our lives hearing, explaining, complaining, or worrying about what we don't have enough of.....Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we're already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something.  And by the time we go to bed at night, our minds are racing a litany of what we didn't get, or didn't get done, that day.  We go to sleep burdened by those thoughts and wake up to that reverie of lack....This internal condition of scarcity, this mind-set of scarcity, ives at the very heart of our jealousies, our greed, our prejudice, and our arguments with life..."

I think this passage is powerful, thought-provoking, and an opportunity for us to examine our lives.  Instead of feeling like we aren't enough, that we don't have enough, perhaps we could focus on the fact that we are enough.  That we have plenty, most likely more than we truly need.  Throughout the course of a day we have most likely given our best effort and accomplished as much as we could.  Perhaps that should be enough.  Instead of worrying about the "didn't's" maybe we should just be happy with the "did's."

It is difficult to change your mindset.  Converting from the mentality of "not enough" to "enough" will definitely take some deliberate thoughts and actions.  I am ready to make that change, for myself and for my family.  It's time to make a cultural change.  To shift from whining, complaining, and wanting more, to being satisfied with what we have.  That doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive for more, to have dreams and goals, but on our journey there, we should be grateful for what we have already accomplished.  It's time to sit back and enjoy the ride.

It Feels Good to Follow Through

Well, the clock has turned to another year.  For some reason I am not thrilled about turning another year older, but I have good intentions that this next year of life will hold big changes for me and my family.  I am being vague, I know, but if and when my goal comes to fruition, I will share the news.  Until then, just bear with my hints at something big to come.

Over the weekend I completed my first 5K.  To some that may not seem like any big feat, but to me it was.  I am not a self-declared runner.  In fact, I used to be intimidated by running for five minutes!  A mile seems easy now, two is manageable, and three continues to be difficult.  Doable, but difficult.  I struggle mentally when I get out there and out of my comfort zone.  For some reason I initially try to convince myself that I won't be able to do it, but I keep moving forward...slowly.

My goal was to run the entire race.  It wasn't timed, so there was no race against the clock.  It really was just a simple goal:  run.  It was hot on the course, as there was little shade or breeze, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and moved forward.  When I signed up for the race a few of my friends did, too, but in the end it was just me and the pavement, as other things came up.  It was up to me to keep myself motivated and it took a lot of internal cheering to keep running, but I did it and seeing my family near the finish line gave me the last little nudge I needed to complete the race.

I am proud to say that a few months ago I set a goal that I was able to achieve.  Life can throw a lot of things at you and following through on goals you set can be difficult.  There were many mornings I didn't want to get out of bed to run, especially after being woken up by the baby (and at least one other kiddo most nights) and getting little sleep.  Some days the weather was too hot or too chilly during those early morning runs, but I did it.  Sometimes it just feels good to accomplish what you set out to do.

Today I'll leave you with a little quote I found this morning that I like.  I'm ready to come alive!  Are you?